SteffenC-itsjustme

I'm afraid I held you too tight, cos when you get too close to something it gets blurry, and I could no longer separate myself from you. I guess that's why, four years later, I see so clearly, but I'm still missing the piece of me that tore off when you left.

You are bare feet on wooden floors and open books in every room of our house . You are honeyed tea left to cool off on the kitchen counter, as the quiet of the evening settles in our bones . You are the colours of Autumn, twirling in a breath of wind, and muddy boots standing in wait outside our front door . You are the scent of petrichor and hours awake, in the middle of the night, listening to the passionate beating of thunder hearts in the clouds . You are the feeling of wet sand between my toes and the sound of the ocean, moaning and sighing, beneath the light of the moon . You are wisps of a dream, and a whi

I knew a boy of summer rain and thunder. Who fell off his bike and scraped his knees carrying home the groceries. Who would twirl around on the playground swing until his feet couldn’t reach the ground and got lost in the spinning blur over and over again. Who walked to school with his cat and played basketball outside instead of eating his lunch. . I knew a boy who fell in love with words and music and embraced them as an everyday escape, as the only things that gave meaning to his life. Who paid more attention to the words the teachers used than what they were trying to tell him. Who lived in an empty house full of peo

Let it rain alley cats and stray dogs. Let the rain purr through the night and curl up on the lap of the cracked asphalt under the streetlamp’s watchful eye and let the thunder b a r k and growl across the distant skies, like lovers tearing at the sheets in roaring waves of exaltation.

My heart has outgrown its nest It spreads its wing and   l      e                                   a                            p                              s                                  from my chest Falling to the ground in circles Leaving me gasping for  b r e a t h

I keep lighting candles all over my apartment leaving little flames flickering on the floor on overcrowded book shelves and wooden tables in the neck of empty wine bottles and in the windows of heartshaped wooden lanterns hanging from my ceiling, but the light never seems to brighten the room quite like you did and my record player keeps playing Tom Waits’ Closing Time

Love is radical Let’s be rebels together And break the system

My heart has outgrown its nest It spreads its wing and   l      e                                   a                                                              p                                                            

It’s been six years since you hit me like a shot of rum and made my heart flutter. Four years later you left me with cold sweat and arrhythmia. Even though I’m two years sober, and my heart is beating steady, I don’t know whether I’m more ready to find a new drink or relapse with a double shot of Ron Zacapa.

I want to cast my heart into a whirlpool And sense the rush, the feeling of spinning around But I’m afraid, a little bit excited and ultimately downhearted Because I know my heart will inevitably be sucked into this roaring torrent Into this current of chaos And disappear for a long, long time Until it one day washes up on the shore of a distant beach And I’m sorry, I’m just not sure I would want anyone but you to find it again.